Everybody in this world is trying to give the best to his children. We all want to make them shine in future and would love to do anything for that. Isn’t it ? But in the race of making them perfect are we making sure to make them confident too? The truth to accept is that we sometimes get so indulge in pulling out the perfection that we forget to push in the smile to them.
The super mantra for making your kid confident is to make him feel happy from inside. No, it doesn’t mean that we have to fulfill each and every demand of theirs. It needs to be handled smartly by not pushing them to something forcefully but to make them feel the happiness in what we make them do. The smiling kid will be a confident adult tomorrow and only confident person can spread happiness in this world u know.
1. Be available to them. They need us more than anything else in this world. Make sure you don’t forget to interact them thoroughly. Make sure you avail some proper time for them out of your busy schedules. Today they need us, if we will not be there for them this moment, later you know how karma revolves. Let them not feel alone in this small age.
2. Make a room for sharing their feelings.
Trust always needs to be developed and this is how you need to go. Make a schedule for sharing time. May be while dinner or bed time or while playing, just ask them about their daily routine. Keep it short and crisp from your end. They are not so good in understanding long sentences. Ask simple questions like whom you met today in the park? How do you like to play. Which teacher calls you for reading and so on. After your question just be a good listener to listen their words without preaching much. It is a good way to build a trust you know and it will also protect them against Child Abuse.
3. Keep your spouse fighting behind the Door. Yes, it is the most important thing to be done. It is a big NO and creates the most negative impact on their little minds. Don’t let them feel that parents can let each other down for some or the other reason. It might be a small argument or fight for you but leaves a big mark in your kid’s mind. Depending on the nature of child, he or she might become timid to express views in front of you both. They may develop a fear of being bashed or shouted. Kids can also feel that marriage is not a good thing. It doesn’t make a happy environment in the house. Or in some cases, child thinks that he can take opportunity to opt for one side Mom or Dad to achieve his goals. He will love one parent more than other and will ask him or her to hide things from spouse. Somehow, it will encourage a habit to lie and hide within the family which is not at all a good sign.
4. Keep your Promises.
It should be followed from very early. You might think that you can fool them if they are just 2 year old but it is not like that. They watch your words. If you promise to take them out for long drive, make sure you do that. It also develops trust. Your child will understand that his parents keep their words and care for his feelings too. If your kid demands something which you are not sure to fulfill, better to make her understand that there is a “May be” chance to meet her expectations. If you feel that demand is not at all genuine, instead of saying strict No, make her understand that you have a better idea to make her feel even better. In short you just need to be “A Man/Woman of your words”.
5. Don’t compare them. We all know that every child is Unique still some or the other time, we compare them with other kids. You may think that you want them to be better than what they are but it hurts them alot. Even toddlers feel sad if you compare them with other kid. I have seen parents making statements like ” See that boy, he eats so well and you don’t even finish your single bread properly”. Or sometimes they even compare the growth chart too “See Manya speaking so fluently and you are 2 month older than her and still you don’t want to talk to others”. Come on parents you really need to grow up yourselves first. Is it some kind of race where your kid needs to win a medal or whatever? Why we need this comparison thing everywhere? It only hampers the growth of child. If you want to give an example of other kid, it can be done in a positive way. Like if you want them to use bathroom for toilet, you can use an example of any known boy or girl who is good at doing it and you can say “You know Sam also used to pee on the bed but then, he realize that it makes his clothes and bed dirty and stinky, he found that washroom would be a better place because he can flush thoroughly and see, how happy he is! Don’t you want to be happy and clean like him?”. Isn’t it positive as well as simple.
6. Control your anger. It is not at all possible to raise a confident kid with angry parenting. We should not let them do something with a fear of getting slapped. It will make them timid. They might be able to do whatever you ask them, but it’s useless if they do this without loving it. Though it is a tough task, but we still need not to show our anger to them. If sometime your anger triggers, just distract yourself and isolate yourself from your kid for a while. In the worst case, if you shouted at them without loosing a second, hug them and say sorry to them for being so rude. But the better thing is to not let your anger win your mood. Controlling anger is the only thing you need to opt for.
7. Foster love to Learn. Learning should be a fun for them. Don’t make them feel that they are doing this to clear some kind of exam. Search for Ideas and games by which you can make them learn new things and basics of life. More you will teach in a funny way, more easily they will remember it all. They have a sharp memory and imitation power, you just need to give them better things to imitate and that’s it. Have you heard that rhyme “head, shoulder, knees and toes”? See how easily kids just sing and act to that rhyme and basically they learn body parts. That’s how it needs to be done. That’s a total win win way for learning. Happy you and happy them.
8. Don’t make them a piece of Achievement or Failure in front of others.You have made your kid learn all alphabets or all numbers 1 to 10. He knows all nursery rhymes and colors. That’s great.
If he likes to perform in front of guests that is awesome thing but please please don’t ever force him to do so if he is not in the mood of performance. Just because it will entertain others or it will be a good show off, you need not to let down his feelings. And vice versa if your kid is not able to learn the things properly, you need not to boast about that failure or bad marksheet in front of your friends to make him embarrass. Understand that your kid is not your trophy or report card. He is a human made of qualities as well as mistakes. Let him live happily. Respect their feelings if you want them to respect you.
9. Make it a Family Time. Its not possible to be always together all the time. We all have our jobs to look after. But, there are few things we must do together. It should be in the daily routine for all family members. Few things can be followed in the schedule like Praying together, Morning or evening walk together or at least one meal together. Haven’t you read anywhere “Family that eats together, stays together”. Also, if you pray together it is a positive thing. Remembering a God is a good habit to follow and you are setting a good example. I read a beautiful lines somewhere “show your faith to God and he will show you his faithfulness”.
10. Be an Example yourself. You want her to eat veggies and you yourself eat McBurger and Coke that’s really mean. Mahatma Gandhi was once asked by a parent to make a child understand that too much jaggery shouldn’t be consumed, it can cause cavity. He asked the parents to come after a week.One week later, when parents with their kid met Mahatma again. Bapu asked him to leave the habit of consuming too much jaggery, it will harm his teeth. Curious parents asked him, if you had only that much to say, why didn’t you said this last week?
And he replied, ” how could I ask him to leave jaggery addiction while I too had the same habit?. Since, last week I controlled my habit first.” So, simply we need to adopt better habits ourselves to make them understand. They might not understand our words much, but they definitely follow our habits. As I said that they are great imitators, so let’s give them something great to imitate. Parents are the first teachers. All good and bad examples are first shown by us to these little kids. So, why to set a bad example and then cry later.
Parenting is not so easy but you know beautiful things often achieved with good efforts and lot of patience. Keep on loving and guiding them. They will achieve success.